Monday, June 3, 2013

The 400-Word Story: The Beach Man #6






















Ifeoma

Peter smells of alcohol and tobacco; he makes faces at me and laughs at every word I say, annoying me even more. Again, I check my watch. Ten o’clock.

"See, it’s getting past my bedtime," I say, frowning. "You can’t stay here."

He scowls for a moment and then begins to laugh. "I warned you about going to that spiritualist’s place, and now she’s messed your head up with visions and more myths about the beach man. Ah, you're so dumb to believe in those bullshit stories."

I clench my fists, resisting the urge to hit him. "Just get out of my room now!"

"I’m not going to leave, and you know that."

"You know what?" I sigh. "I don’t care whether you stay or leave. Just don’t touch me while I sleep."

He winks at me, bowing slightly. "Yes, your highness."

I turn away from him and lie on the bed. Then I put on my earphones and press the play button on my MP3 player. The music helps calm my body, shutting out Peter’s voice, and soon I drift into oblivion.

***

I open my eyes, finding myself in the killer’s hut. Peter sits in front of me, strapped to a chair, panting and kicking furiously in his struggle to escape. I try to rush towards him, to help, but my feet are planted on the floor, as if held by glue.

The door opens just then, and the killer enters the room, clutching a dagger. With light footsteps, he walks towards Peter.

"Please leave him alone," I say.

He shakes his head and mutters something. Then he raises his hand, and I catch a flash in the dagger as he drives it into Peter’s stomach.

At the same time, I hear shouts outside the hut.

***

The shouts continue when I wake up. Surprised to find my door wide open, I roll out of my bed and rush outside. A small crowd stands few feet away from my door, everybody speaking simultaneously, in loud voices, confusing me even more. When I break into the center of the crowd, I see Peter lying on the ground, holding a long dagger; his body is still, and in his stomach, a deep gash, crimson smeared around it.

Then I hear the girl beside me say, "I saw the whole thing! He just stood here for a while and then he stabbed himself."


Footnote: This is the sixth episode of The Beach Man, a 400-Word Blog Series.
* Click HERE for the next episode.

Thanks for reading! And stay tuned for the seventh episode next Monday.

17 comments:

  1. My goodness! A taut piece with vivid description, KayKay. Such a spooky ending and I can't help but fear of what terror that lies ahead.

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    1. Haha! I'm glad you like this, bro. :) It might get 'spookier'.

      Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  2. What a twist! What does this mean? So many possibilities. Oh, and I have to tell you even without a gory description, where he was stabbed was enough to conjure a terrible picture. Great installment!

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    1. Thanks a lot, Robyn. I'm glad you like this. Somehow, I wished it had more gory. LOL! :)

      Thanks for stopping by and for reading.

      Delete
  3. Thanks for visiting Critical Literature Review. I will go read the other parts of this series and comment again.

    www.criticalliteraturereview.blogspot.com
    www.josephomotayo.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Joseph. I hope you'll enjoy the series.

      Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  4. Wow...that was really good. I think I liked this episode the most. :)
    One little suggestion: Think about keeping the dream like the rest of the story. I think if it wasn't italicized, it would add more tension. And I'd stop the girl's words on "himself."
    I look forward for the next one.

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    1. I'm glad you liked this, Athina. And thanks for the suggestion. You're right; there's more tension if the reader doesn't know it's a dream.

      Thanks for reading! :)

      Delete
  5. Dude,u sabi giv persn suspense oo,with d whole dream stuff nd its reality like Avatar.men u killin it...kip it up bro.Nice wrk.E'FACE.

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    1. Haha! :) I'm glad you're following the story, Eface.

      Thanks for reading! :)

      Delete
  6. getting more more awesome ... More suspense arising with episode ... "do d victim actually get killed by the beach man or get an illusion that messes with their brains?
    Can ify be able to alter d sequence or killings from her vision?
    Really nice best episode on counting

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  7. getting more more awesome ... More suspense arising with episode ... "do d victim actually get killed by the beach man or get an illusion that messes with their brains?
    Can ify be able to alter d sequence or killings from her vision?
    Really nice best episode on counting

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot. I'm glad you like this episode best.

      Thanks for reading. :)

      Delete
  8. Kay, no sentiments. you may know by now that I try to keep it sincere.
    This was worth my time and attention.
    Do I analyze further?
    Nice you don't waste words like some theatre producers I know. And you don't spare a beat. You seem pretty effective enough with imagery without many words. Took us straight to the main action and we followed quite easily. Liked the seemingly supernatural course. It may not be just an illusion anymore. The killer is real.
    But, it may not be supernatural after all, and all we have is the testimony of just a random crowd observer claiming Peter stabbed himself. Or, for all I know, this reality may just be another big dream and Peter is still alive.
    So, once again, I'm not going to try predict you. Good job. I guess you have made the key adjustment the italicization issue. Bravo!

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    1. Thanks a lot, Doc. I really appreciate your words and the analysis you did. I smiled while reading--I feel like I'm improving.

      Thanks again for your words and for reading! :)

      Delete
  9. You are warmly welcome, Kay.
    lol@Doc.

    ReplyDelete