Ifeoma
The concert turns out to be a nightclub. Music vibrates around me as I sit at the bar, watching the dancers, mostly students from the university nearby. Peter has taken an interest in the girl in red gown. When he thinks I’m not watching, he'll put his arms around her waist, pull her close to him, and whisper in her ears. Sometimes she'll whisper back, casting furtive glances at my direction.
Up until now, I can feel pain in my stomach. I had tried explaining to Emeka and Chika on our way here, but they said I was having illusions. With her trademark frown, Chika had said, ‘Ifeoma, relax jare! I've never seen anyone as scared as you are.’ Now she walks towards me with that frown.
“That university slut is trying to steal your boyfriend!” she shouts over the music, pointing towards Peter and the girl in red. “You should do something about it!”
I let out a heavy sigh and then grab her hand and place it against my stomach. “The beach man stabbed me right here, in the dream! I still feel the pain! You think I should be more concerned about the girl stealing Peter than about my upsetting dream?”
“See a doctor then!” Obviously regretting why she'd come up to me in the first place, Chika scowls and then walks away, quickly.
I leave the bar and make for the exit of the club. Outside, the air is cool. I have not wandered far away when someone suddenly grabs my hand from behind.
The sound of my scream attracts stares from the people around.
“I’m sorry,” he says as I face him, and I recognize him – the barman at the club. “I overheard your discussion at the bar.”
“So why-”
“When he appears in your dream, it’s because he wants to torment you. Before he finally kills you.”
“How do-”
“I'm a native of this community, so there’s no need asking me how I know this. Before he killed my mother, he tormented her severely.” He reaches into his pocket and takes out a card, then hands it to me.
I study the card under the dull lights of the street. It reads:
Ms. Folakemi Adeniyi
Spiritual Consultant
The address and phone numbers are printed in smaller letters.
“She’s helped so many people around here. You must see her, if you want to remain alive.”
Footnote: This is the second episode of The Beach Man, a 400-Word Blog Series.
Jare: A Nigerian Pidgin English expression, which adds emphasis to a sentence.
*Click HERE for the next episode
Thanks for reading!
Ooohh, this sounds fantastic and super exciting! I love it!! Thank for sharing :)!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Blogger-Buddy! :) I'm glad you like it.
DeleteHappy Reading!
The girl's friends are completely uncaring about her fears. I really like that. And I love that she has a plan of action ahead of her, Spiritual Consultant. Great lead up to the next installment. I would say this part, "I know that, although he tries to hide it" may not be necessary since the next line implies his infatuation is intended to be secret. Kaykay, I really feel like I'm right there with her.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're enjoying this, Robyn. And thanks for the suggestion. You're right. I'm going to apply it when I get on my PC.
DeleteThanks for stopping by! :)
Hmmm...well done again Mr Kay, u didn't disappoint at all.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Omolara. I'm really glad you like the story, and I appreciate your coming back to check out the second episode.
DeleteHappy Reading!
Stunning! Absolutely stunning. There is enough tension here and I love how you created an indifferent attitude in Ifeoma's girl friend. Then the bar man who hands her a card. Man! I am a bit scared. There is so much in here. Please write on.
ReplyDeleteI didn't conclude my comment about the bar man: the card he handed Ifeoma has heightened the tension. I fear that this may be a set up. KayKay, you are amazing.
DeleteThanks, Uzoma. I'm glad you like it. About the set up...well, let's see where the story heads.
DeleteThanks for dropping by! :)
Dude u r d hollywood version of nollywood.ur suspense is amazin.plz keep it up.guess @ d end u'l b d first 2 mke nigeria recognised in oscar awards wen ur write-up bcums a muvee.can't wait 4d nxt episode...
ReplyDelete'Hollywood version of Nollywood'? Wow! I like that. And the movie too. :)I'm glad you like the story, and I apprecite your stopping by.
DeleteThanks for reading!
what a story, pls when is the third coming out
ReplyDeleteIt comes out next Monday.
DeleteThanks for reading! :)
Hmmm... this is interesting. I like the way the story develops.
ReplyDeleteThe scenery is good and I like the mystery that you have set up.
The barman sounds promising and I imagine that he might be her lover interest. Although he sounds a little creepy, but I like it.
Good story.
Keep writing. :)
Thanks for the good words, Athina! :) I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
DeleteAnd thanks for reading! I hope I don't disappoint with the third. :)
Liking how it unfolds. It's still pretty much open at this stage and the less guess work, the better.
ReplyDeleteSome good touches to the character development too, especially with the word limit.
Thanks, Christopher. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. :)
Delete